The Day of Turkeyish Turmoil
by Anatha
Summary: Rated for violence, swaering, and evil turkies. Thanksgiving is almost here, and Felix has persuaded Johnny to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. What will happen? Read and find out, you moron.


Nyah ha! I told you people thingies that there was going to be a three to five chapter Thanksgiving special concerning Felix and Johnny! Nyah ha... Okay, that was just... er, fun to announce. Anyways, I really hope you people like this, I'm still getting ideas on what to do in a few of the chapters... i ahve several different outcomes for the turkey... nyah ha, stupid overly-large poultry beast of doom...

Thanks for all of you who have reviewed Chapter 4 of "Not So Lucky." Like I said before in the previous paragraph,I do hope you all enjoy this horrible Thanksgiving-Like short chapter thingmajig of doom. Yea... enjoy it, and stuff.

**D**_i_**_scl_**a**i**e_r:_ I do not own anything from JTHM, Squee, I Feel Sick, Filler Bunny-- basically anything that has accurately been created by Mr. Vasquez. Oh how we must all get down on our knees and worship him... but, anyways, yea, I only own Elanor and Felix. Enjoy! All of you, now! Enjoy the horribleness, ENJOY!

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**CHAPTER 1: **Odd Discussions of Turkey

"What are you doing with that? GET the hell away from me, you son of a bitch! Please! Johnny, no, Johnny, please- OW! I'm sorry for all the things I did to you then, but—HOLY SHIT, MY SPLEEN! I didn't know, I was stupid back then, but I've learned my lesson! I'm sorry, but please don't do this, am I really that— stop it! You don't have the fucking nerve, you—you—SATAN WORSHIPPER! That's it, isn't it? I _knew _you were a Satan Worshipper all of those fucking years! You're going to have to summon and admit power to your 'almighty _Lord' _Satan by using me as a fucking sacrifice! My God, please no, Johnny, don't do this... No, please! I didn't mean it, please, this really hurts—blood is leaking out of my ass! Gore is spurting and—leave me lone, you—what the fuck!? Please, get that fucking thing away from me! I didn't mean to call you that, I was stupid! Shit, I'm still stupid! Just let me go, and we can—start over as friends—I didn't mean to-- Please, no, no, please don't do this, no—AUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Felix, teenage damsel of House 777, squinted her brown eyes in disgust and terror as she reluctantly heard the graphic onomatopoeia of tendon and muscle ripping, and the ever-unpleasant _splat!_ of a cadaver's limb. Slowly one eye popped open, everything fuzzy through the narrow dark-brown lock of hair swaying in a curtain-like motion before her vision. Hastily her pale slender fingers hid the lock behind her ear, her trembling hand twisting the moderately rusting door knob, followed by an unpleasant _crunch!_ As the door croaked open. ((_A/N: No... not creaked, croaked. Creaked is much too clichéd for my likings... deal with my reasoning! Nyah ha...))_

"Johnny?" she inquired softly, pearly head poking around the stained door frame to face her housemate. Typically, he was not within sight range. "Nny?" A steel-toe boot clunked in, swiftly followed by the other as they repeated the process, shuffling her lanky body in the center of the depressing torture chamber.

_Rip! Splat! _

_((A/N: _(claps insanely) _I love onomatopoeia!))_

Her heartbeat nearly deceased all acceleration at the all-too familiar morbid noises, and bit her paling lip. Well... at least she could say that she located her friend.

"Is there something ya need, Felix?" came the familiar hymn of what was definitely the voice of Jonathan Colt.

Half-relieved, half-terrified, she clamped her eyelids shut, and cupped both hands acutely over her orifice. "Johnny, can you—um—_discard—_the dead person thingy before I turn around, please?" she requested politely, thumbs drumming gently on her cheek bones. She had seen enough of Nny's work to send her to a psychiatrist (whom she does not visit at all), and after all... there was no need to rouse up the Happy Hotel just because she had viewed a mutilated formerly- asshole-like corpse, now was there?

"Of course! Wait a moment!" came the reply, and the echo of a moist, large item being lugged smoothly across the floorboards was easily audible in her keen ears. There was the remote groan of a closet door opening, and the _thump! _of a corpse, and the soft click of the gate shutting, trailed by loud footsteps of another human organism.

"The subject has been temporarily disposed of now," Johnny informed cheerfully, creating a mental image of the homicidal maniac grinning insanely in Felix's visual mind.

The girl's russet-flavored eyes popped open, and a faint grin extended across her ashen features. She wheeled delicately around on the heel of her, parted her lips to announce something—than her happy expression dropped to hell as the size of her eyeballs increased dramatically. Despite the fact that Johnny had dragged the carcass out of view, he did not bother to conceal the forearm, abdomen, and ankle of the women he had so brutally punished minutes before. And to top it off, a long, wide streak of burgundy was painted down the floorboards, leading to slightly crimson-stained door frame. For some strange reason, the poor, scarred girl felt like the protagonist in Halloween 5. _((A/N: Three cheers for Michael Myers!))_

Johnny's appearance, however, was less than disturbing as usual. Yes, he was clad in the same black outfit, his figure was still outrageously skinny, and he still had those wide keen eyes, but, to her immense amazement, she couldn't see a speck of blood on his attire. None at all. He had managed to dispatch a living woman violently without staining a drop of blood anywhere on his clothes. Deep down in that head of hers, she was awed.

Before she opened her mouth to state anything, Nny had leapt up and skipped back a couple of paces to obtain a plastic red bag that read _Munchies._ He leapt back to where he was before, and held the bag out for her to take cheesy goodness. "Munchies?" he offered, sitting back on a nearby crate.

Felix sighed, and fished a couple of the crunchy cheese-flavored snack foods, and nibbled at the ends of it. After seeing that, it was almost grotesque to even think of consuming anything, but, she didn't want him to attack her. Again. "Thanks," she answered instead, sitting back on a crate nearby.

"Nny," she began, tilting her head. "It's November. It's almost November 25. Does that mean anything to you?"

Johnny looked up, skeletal hand in mid-air to dive down into the small orange sea of Munchies. "If you're referring to the Turkey holiday next week, then I'm afraid I must say no," He responded flatly, arching a brow while subconsciously rummaging around the bag for a decently sized cheese snack.

She sighed in disappointment, and inclined her head to the left vaguely. "Yes," she admitted slowly. "That was what I was referring to, but—Johnny! Please! We could celebrate it like every one else does! Ooh! And we can—"

"Contact the aliens with the Munchies I'm holding, and invite them over to devour poultry with us on such a depressing day. I'm sorry Felix, but I think not fondly on that so-called 'holiday.'"

Her lip pouted out in annoyance and disappointment. "We can have To- Squee, over again!" She pressed on, twiddling her fingers together in anticipation. "That last Halloween went really well! You didn't slice 'n dice anybody! That's always a good thing! Plus, the absolute wonderful thing about this holiday is that you get to spend it at home with your fami—friends! No little annoying children to scuttle around and throw candy at you, demanding their favorites! No stupid parental guardians commenting on your so-called 'costume!' It will only be you, me, Squee, and maybe Squee's little friend, Pepito! Please-"

Johnny squinted his right eye as he stared long at his feminine company. She really wanted to celebrate this holiday; it was vexing, but, perhaps succumbing to it would not be as harmful as first suspected... and, there was the true fact that he didn't necessarily have to spend valuable, scarce time with humans whom he didn't know. He knew Pepito well enough to know he was an alright chap, Squee was very comforting when he needed someone to talk to, and Felix had learned to stay out of his way and not to anger him so she was more companionable than ever... the whole Thanksgiving Dinner thing wouldn't last very long at all, anyways.

The homicidal maniac sighed, and swayed slightly, gently dropping his plastic bag of Munchies on the ground besides his boot. "Fine," he finally murmured, shaking his head and swaying in his comfortable perch. Vaguely amused about how dramatically her face lit up, he continued, "I guess the Turkey Day is reasonable enough, and you do have a point... don't have to spend it with humanoids we don't know... yes. I suppose we can do it this year."

If she was oblivious to his homicide attempts and knew nothing of his morbid personality, she might have hugged him in grand delight. But, instead she restrained herself and gently clapped her hands together. "Thanks you, Nny!" She gratefully expressed, standing up. "Thank you, thank you! I promise nothing will go wrong! I'm going to go next door and tell Squee and to tell Pepito to invite him and stuff! Ooh... thank you, Nny! Thank you!"

To his entertainment, he watched her almost _skip_ away in insane glee, when he directed his gaze back down to the floorboards.

Alright, so he was not going to be having a bloody, gory Thursday as he expected he would have. Having dinner with your friends can't be that bad, after all. It has to be better than resulting to ear plugs when you're soon-to-be victims are all screaming about how they have family and friends that they absolutely needed to go back to.

That was a lie; a fucking, poisoning, perspective-tainting lie. They were all assholes! They fibbed how they loathed their parents and siblings and other family members; they treat their fucking friends like shit when they do something accidentally wrong. The part that was even sadder was that some of the assholes he had kidnapped didn't treat even his friends correctly when they had not done anything wrong. People who bear such cruelties and lies did not deserve to go back to the family they "did not love" and the friends who constantly do "everything wrong." Their friends were only human; it's not their fault that humans are always making mistakes in this ridiculously atrocious reality.

Johnny released a soft sigh, listening to Felix's faint footfalls clamber up the staircase to the upper levels of his basement, a faint smile playing in the corners of his lips. Felix didn't treat him like that. Neither did Squee, nor Pepito, and before heh ad frightened her away—

His small grin leisurely morphed into an ordinary frown when he remembered that he could not ask Devi to come. She would have refused; even if she had not been so terrified of his presence, she probably would have said no.

He sniffed lightly, and bit his lip before looking up to the closet in which he had hidden the corpse of Amy Irvin, a woman who had gone with him to High School. She was immensely popular, a cloud of perky, bitchy girls hovering around her with every step she took. She was never alone. In about senior year, she had fucked up her life and had a kid, but, despite the quantity of friends she lost, despite the great decease of friendship, she had still been a complete asshole to him... This vile _thing, _Amy, had been in town today, and had recognized and taunted Johnny once again. Already aggravated by all of the public humiliations years ago, he had captured and sentenced her to the gruesome fate she had been fated for ever since she was sixteen years old.

But, he couldn't leave her corpse in there to rot for eternity. He needed this particular chamber for later killings, and he did not need the atmosphere to be befouled with the stench of stiffs. The homicidal maniac also stood himself up, and slunk over to the entrance of the closet, his footsteps painted with crimson. He sighed.

This Thanksgiving, he knew, would not be as normal as one would at first suspect.

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Yea...

That was the first chapter thingy of the whole Thanksgiving thing... there should be about three to five chapters, like I said in the introduction thingy before the actual body of the chapter. I honestly think that this chapter is probably one of the wrost things I have ever written, but, all that matters is that you, the people, and what your opinion is and stuff... it should be done by this coming Monday or Tuesday, since I have to go to Snyder, Texas to visit my mother's side of the family for Turkey day... Oh, the joy... _(sarcasm) _My cousin will burn in hell on Wednsday, whether he likes it or not...

Before I depart, I will remind you (sorry about the reminding) to if you read this chapter, please leave a review. I love answering reviews... it's so much fun... anyways, yes, and, in case if I'm sucktacular and cannot finish this, I bid you all a wonderful, no knife-to-the-throat Thanksgiving! Live long and prosper, as the Volkiens would say... anyways-- see you guys next chapter.

_Ja Ne._

.::.:.::.:AnathA:.::.:.::.


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